Something like hate
"Cedar Rapids Recreation Commission."
I saw this on a T-shirt worn by a young Middle-Eastern boy today at the hospital. As in, Cedar Rapids, Iowa. His father was standing nearby, and possibly an uncle or something. The uncle had a turban and long robes on. Neato.
***
I think I might hate Bangladesh a little.
I am genuinely worried about this.
So. I've been in Bangkok for about a week and a half. And it's been very good: health improved, vacation (of sorts) taken. But reflecting on the things that a country like Thailand has going for it that B'desh does not . . this is an activity that darkens me. I have something like dread that wells up when I think about returning. I've suddenly realized that so many of the things I love about life on planet earth are not present in Bangladesh, at least not in ways that I can see them.
Their musical heritage seems limited at best and your average person has less musical education than I did at age 10. The result is that no one in my class can keep a beat when I try to do "musical" exercises, and what passes for music has been sounding to me like a dying seal as of late. The only art that can be seen outside of exclusive art schools is rather simple Rickshaw art which usually amounts to a pretty picture of a bird or a Bangladeshi film star and, style aside, looks like something a typical high schooler might paint for his mom for Mother's Day. The food is all the same--good, but all the same. After awhile one yearns for some hummus or a hamburger or anything different. In general, there are so few deviations from the status quo. And of course, as we've seen of late, they're not exactly in step with our ideas on free speech, ala cartoon riots. The list goes on; I'm going to stop now, but . .
I came with deep-set intentions of never ever foreclosing on any person or culture. Before I came, one current PCV warned me that "this culture sucks." Of course I scoffed and snorted at his ignorance and ethnocentrism. But lately my search for redeeming qualities in this oppressed culture has come up . . empty.
There are phases of culture shock, and they continue through at very least the first year in a new culture. I'm told that right around the one-year mark or perhaps just a bit earlier is when the feelings of negativity and hatred are at their worst.
I devoutly hope that I have reached this point early and can be done with it Soon.
Because I'm at the point where if I flip to a Bangladeshi TV station while waiting at the hotel, I skip over it really fast. It's like eating a food you like on the day you come down with the flu. For months you can't stand even the thought of that food.
If anyone's made it through this post, I hope it has sounded to you like the rantings of a petulant child. Then maybe I'll snap out of it soon.
***
Close Guantanamo Bay!
posted by Adam @ 7:32 AM
8 Comments:
I hear ya Adam. I don't understand your particular situation because I don't know anything about Bangladesh, but I think I understand what you're generally feeling. Culture is such a hard thing to define and it's really made up of a thousand tiny details. It sounds dumb when you say you dislike a culture because their food is boring, but sometimes that's the only thing you can put your finger on. The rest is too subtle and hard to define to someone who hasn't experienced it. I kinda hate Korea because people there think it's ok to point out to you that you have a zit and offer to pop it. (Pause as a thousand explanations run through my mind) See? It's just the tip of the gi-normous cultureberg.
Are you ever around people who genuinely love Bangladesh? Do these people exist? Are there any of them in the peace corps?
Hi Adam. I've been reading your blog a while, but never posted. I hear you on the culture shock though. I experienced similar things when I went to Haiti. And I've read a couple different places that the culture shock "curve" adjusts to your time frame, so that if you're planning on two years, the culture shock is just spread out. Hang in there!
Adam, I am having fun picturing you in Bangkok. What a crazy city it is. Make sure you get a genuine fruit shake off a stand in the street, and eat lots of pineapple, I cannot stress this enough as I am pretty sure Thailand has the best fruit in the world. And watch some dancing-especially the gradeschool girls, cute. Aren't Thai people beautiful? And the old white tourists gross? Yeah.
The cool thing about culture (although not helpful to your situation) is that when you travel quite a bit you find yourself drawn to a culture that doesn't resemble yours, but for some reason completely connects with you. And for everyone its different. I loved Nepal, I dream of Nepal, but I can't tell you exactly what it was that resonated with me. Thailand, I enjoyed, but didn't connect with. Other people on my team couldn't stand Nepal but loved Thailand. Its weird and interesting and kind of exciting to think that there might be a people group out there that you will connect with so strongly that you might wonder if you were born in the wrong place. Apparently this experience is teaching you that it might not be Bangladesh. OR your love will grow as your fondness for individual people and specific places develops deeper. Anyhow, I salute you, feel better. Fruit shakes, yum,
Wow. Smart people read this blog.
Joanne: Yeah, and doesn't it piss you off that the only word you have to describe it is "culture?"
Kristin: Yeah, they're out there, I've met some of them. It could be me in a year, but for the most part it's people who have better methods for coping with or appreciating a constant bombardment of people.
Bridget: Hm. Got any good URL's for me on this topic?
Lo: Actually, thank you for reminding me of the fact that Bangladesh does, in fact, have amazing pineapple and mango. Thailand's is OKAY I GUESS. I am also going to quote Ryan Adams for no particular reason: "I'm as calm as a fruit stand in New York and maybe as strange . . but damn, Sam, I love a woman that rains."
Thanks for your words, you girls.
I'm not a girl, so you can ignore my comment. But I understand what you're going through. It happened to me while living in Peru. I was there for 10 years, and I never want to go back. Initially you get to a place, you've seen it on TV in Europe, you know there's work to be done, people to help, churches to contribute, etc. Then the years pass, nothing changes. The worst part of Peru is, maybe, Peruvians themselves, for allowing dictators and corrupt presidents to run their country, while doing nothing, but still complaining. That's why I have a cynical view of "mission" groups that go to a "poor" country and set up a church, or clean up a house, or etc. If you don't stay in one place for at least a couple of years, everything will be cool and touristy. Wait until you're there long enough, and make friends with people your age who are so desperate in frustration that suicide becomes an alternative. A famous socialist Peruvian writer, Mariategui, once wrote about this as the "Problem of the Indian". And some Peruvians think the best way to fix the country is to get rid of Peruvians themselves...
In the end, one acquires a very negative and skeptical attitude about "third world" countries. It's not going to happen unless they do it. That's why I'm so excited to hear of the new Bolivian and Chilean Presidents.
Must read up on new Presidents. I didn't know that about Peru. It's really good to hear this though. I've been very ignorant of the universality of some of these things.
This is why Calvinism is so great--if you start with the very "cynical" view that mankind is completely, 100% evil by nature, well then endemic corruption and ignorance is just a day at the office. It's a lot easier to keep from falling into cynicism when that's where you started in the first place.
Okay...as an almost Calvinist--less every quarter in seminary--I have to object. While starting at the bottom first appears to be an advantage, the true advantage is knowing that God created even Bangladesh good. And in some small way it still is. Look for that goodness, Adam. Seek it out. There is badness everywhere. I pass by it everyday even in this city. But there is goodness everywhere too. The key is to be prophetic in your thought--to recognize that somewhere in the mix is a God who loves Bangladesh. Think about why he loves it and you can find a reason to love it too.
Love you boy. Hang in there.
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