war of attrition

Today 2 students whose English level is better than the rest of their classmates found out that they were not selected to be in my upcoming English class because, as I attempted to explain, they would not learn very much since they already know what most of the other students are about to learn. These two accosted me and we had . . a . . discussion. Lower lips quivered, and there was crying. Without the certificate they would earn from my class--and apparently the mental benefit of taking a class with the first foreigner they've ever met--they believe that their job prospects would be significantly poorer. I'm sure they prepared for days, if not weeks, for the screening interview that ironically eliminated them.

My tentative "solution" was to invite them to my once-a-week open practice session on Wednesdays, which is currently populated only by other teachers from the DYD, since that is the only demographic group that I am currently instructing. It's an informal session and not part of a class.

So. The teachers who are in my class hear of this offer. Immediately they come to me and protest, saying that it is not proper for students and teachers to mix in such a fasion. They will not allow students to attend the practice session.

"But, just for practice?"
"It is our culture."

Faaaantastic. Now, here's the thing: these teachers are not selfish or bad people. They are actually quite nice and easy to get along with. In other words, they're right--it really is their culture that students and teachers can't even practice English together even though English practice is what people beg me for EVERY DAY.

Situations like this are quite common for PCVs in Bangladesh. But as I ran down the 4 flights of stairs to my counterpart's office, thinking about my missing cell phone (Peace Corps-issued), angry landlord, ear infection, bronchitis, crying students, and best friend's wedding (the one I'll be missing in a few days), I felt really good. Maybe it's just that being the center of attention is nice, even when it's not all positive attention. Maybe it's just the delicious irony. But at the time, I'm thinking the most likely reason is that it really is pure bliss to feel relevant. And I do. I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a lot of love (or at least liking) for myself. But today, I felt relevant. If I have a bad day because I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm sick, then my cause here suffers. Maybe those students would cry for any foreigner, but there aren't any other foreigners here, now, teaching an English course. I guess it only feels like I'm doing something good if something's going wrong at the same time.

Matt and Brielle: Someday soon I will tell you about the my failed plot to get an early leave to come home for your wedding. I did try, and I even told a few fibs to my superiors in doing so. But it didn't work. I love you both more than I have shown. And I am not a little saddened that I will be here and you will be there. It's the only thing that I have regretted about coming here.

Hey, I think this might be the first post where I haven't tried to make any jokes or write anything funny. Maybe the Blue Fairy will make me into a real boy now.