Bang

I've been "medevac'd" or medically evacuated to Thailand. Bangkok. So they can figure out what's wrong with me. I was pulling for Typhoid, as was Dr. Praphaporn (now that I can remember her name correctly I say it as often as possible). Typhoid would have been cool--sounds like a cross between typhoon and battle droid. But the blood test says no. Time for more figures:

22: Number of times I've been stuck with a needle, giving blood samples or getting medicine.
7: Number of locations for the sticking (both arms inside the elbow, top of hand, 3 different fingers, left butt cheek).
10: Approximate number of seconds between receiving injection to make kidneys light up on X-ray and throwing up. Fastest nausea reaction EVER! Not that bad really; threw up and got on with the procedure.
9: Number of X-ray slides--taken in one sitting--of kidneys after they had been lit up with nauseating injection.
3: Number of times I fell asleep during this procedure.
2: Number of times between today and yesterday that a female nurse has seen my junk. And we're not even supposed to be doing any tests on that region.

Did I mention this all started with another kidney stone? Back in Bangladesh a few days ago, I was just sitting on the can, minding my own business trying again to poop into a cup for the nice doctor lady, when my side starts to ache like a maux-faux. Soon I am throwing up EVrywhere and begging for painkillers. 2 1/2 hours later they finally decide it's time to believe me and they stick me in the behind with some Toradol. Goooood Toradol. Pretty Toradol. Not as good as morphine, but it'll do.

To make a long story short, a lot of doctors poked me with needles and fingers in a lot of places and in the end Deborah (nice doctor lady) decided only Thailand would do. So here I am, at the nicest hospital I've ever seen in my life. Outside, what with the burnished pillars, marble and traffic controllers directing the Jaguars where to park, it looks more like the Mirage than a hospital. Inside, people love me long time.

Also, judging by the number of ugly aging white men here with young beautiful Thai women inscrutably at their sides, there's hope for me and George Clooney still.

"What do you mean, 'over there?' There's a lot of 'over there' over there."
--One American patient to a Thai nurse, upon being directed where to sit in anticipation of his X-ray results. The area in question was a long hallway with many seats along the walls.